Sunday, May 19, 2013

Where Did My Emotions Go?

     A couple weeks ago, Jeremiah called and said his deployment got pushed back and wondered if I wanted him to come to my parents for another visit; did he really need to ask?  Of course I said yes!  We were so blessed to get to have that extra unexpected time together.  He even got to see Asher walk!  The only bad thing about him coming home again meant we had to say, "Goodbye," all over again.  As we traveled two hours to the airport the same knot began to develop in the pit of my stomache like it has every other time.  We tried to talk about things that weren't related to his deployment but we have found that to be nearly impossible. I know it is hard for me, but I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be for him;  I at least get to be around the boys and my family, he won't have any family.  When we arrived at the airport, we decided it would be easier if we didn't go in, we would just drop him off in the parking lot.  I prepared myself for a complete cry fest. I watched him and he leaned over Asher's car seat to kiss him goodbye and wondered if Asher will ever have the opportunity to know just how amazing his daddy is.  Next, came the hard one- I hesitated getting my camera out to capture these tough moments, but I knew if something did happen I would forever regret it.  Jeremiah picked up Emerson and in true Emerson fashion he squeezed his daddy as tight as he could.  Finally, it was my turn.  We hugged and kissed knowing that we wanted to cherish that moment but also knowing how quickly you forget what that person's touch feels like.
      As he walked away with his suitcase in hand, I prepared myself for a cry fest, but nothing happened- not hardly one tear.  And let me tell you just in case you don't know me well, that is extremely unusual for me.  Sometimes I am completely convinced that God alters my hormones when Jeremiah is gone.  I can go for months without crying, and as soon as he is home, the tears flow. Maybe I just put up my walls but even at that, I know my God is protecting me and preparing me.
     I know this deployment will not be easy.  Jeremiah is not going to a safe place.  His job is not easy.  However, we do serve a mighty God.  He has carried us through three other deployment and I know he will do the same this time.  I know it is easy to read blogs and stories like these and think we will pray for them, but then we never do, but I am asking a huge favor of you.  Please pray for Jeremiah and the safety of the men he is with.    Pray that God protects them physically but also pray for their mental stability, their ability to be quick on their feet, to make wise decisions.  Pray that miracles take place right before their eyes and that people will be brought to God, that he would receive the glory.  I never want a deployment to happen but when they come around, I do look forward to all the stories I get to share that are a testimony to God's provision and grace.
      May God richly bless you as you invest your time praying for us.  I hope that you too will use these moments to testify about God's greatness!