A Crazy Man at Wal-Mart

     A couple months ago, I was at Wal-Mart shopping for a Mother's Day card when an older black man approached me.   He said, "Hello" to Emerson, and then proceeded to ask me what I was going to name my little girl.  I was kind of thrown off and to be quite honest, I just thought maybe he wasn't "all there."  So, I simply told him Emerson was a boy and that we weren't expecting a baby.  He, however, was persistent with his question, "What are you going to name your little girl?"  Seeing that he wasn't going to give up, I replied, "Well, we've talked about the name Lylah."  Abruptly he responded, "No!  That won't work!  Why would you name her that?"  I told him it was a name my husband and I both agreed on, but he said, "You need to choose a name the Lord would agree with."  At this point, I was still thinking this man was just a crazy but it was what happened in the rest of the story that really made me question whether this man was crazy or was he something more?
     We continued to talk for a couple of minutes about the Holy Spirit and how He speaks to us, but then what he said about stopped me in my tracks.  He said, "The Lord wants me to remind you that twins run in your husbands family."  My mother-in-law is a twin.  My mind was swirling.  "Who is this man?  How does he know me or my husband?  God are you really speaking through this man? "  As my mind continued to race he  continued with, "And his mother has never had twins has she?"  My mother-in-law has had 8 children, none of which were multiple births.  I think my jaw dropped at that point as I was in shock.  He concluded our conversation with, "Well, that was all the Lord would have me speak to you now, so I'll be on my way," and walked off.
      Needless to say, I couldn't even focus on picking out a card.  I thought, "Oh my!  Am I pregnant?  Am I going to have twins?  What just happened?"  I tried to call Jeremiah but couldn't reach him, I had to tell someone what had happened so I called my mom.  As I told my mom the story, she said, "I just keep hearing the word 'favored.'  I don't know whether it's God saying you are favored or that maybe this little girl will be favored?"  When I got home, I took a pregnancy test and it came up negative, but then I looked up the meaning of Lylah and discovered it means "dark beauty."  I still like the name but with these circumstances, decided that perhaps we shouldn't name our little girl Lylah.  Over the next 48 hours, at the most random times, I kept hearing the name "Annelise" running through my mind.  So, finally, I decided just for curiosity sake, I decided to look up the meaning.  Much to my surprise Annelise means, "Favored, grace, and God's bountiful blessing."  Wow!  Maybe the man at Wal-Mart wasn't crazy.  Maybe he is just a messenger from God.  I called my mom and told her she wasn't going to believe this but the story gets even better.  We were both in awe of the situation.
     Now, a few months later, we are expecting our second child.  Will it be a girl?  I guess we'll know in a few more months?  My husband, along with several family members, are convinced that we are having twin girls.  As for me, I'm not too convinced that we are having twins.  I think God just spoke that to me so I would recognize it was Him speaking and not just a man.  I have my first ultrasound October 18th; until then, we'll just have to wonder.
     While this story is crazy, this situation continues to prove that God still speaks to us.  The same God that spoke to people in the Bible, speaks to me- even if it's through a crazy man at Wal-Mart.

Substitute Teaching and Group Doctors Appointments

  This week is one of those weeks you just want to get over with.  I am going to start substitute teaching for Liberty County Schools in Georgia, but first I have to go through job training.  I'm not exactly sure why they call it training because if it's like any other substitute training I've had in the past, we all just listen to a bunch of rules and school district policies, watch mandated reporter videos, and fill out paperwork.  None of the training sessions I have been to in the past have ever given tips on classroom discipline or what one should do if a kindergartner wets her pants in the lunch line while another kindergartner throws up and starts a puking chain reaction down the lunch line....yes, that actually happened to me at a school I worked at.  So, tomorrow I'll sit in a room full of strangers making polite conversation, but I probably won't ever see these people again.  The good thing is that after tomorrow, I should be able to substitute teach and finally make some money- which is definitely a good thing.
     On Friday, I have my first OBGYN appointment.  It's on base and the receptionist kindly informed it will be a "group appointment," and their space is very limited so I need to come by myself.  "Group appointment?!  What in the world is a "group appointment?"  I'm assuming they are just going to explain the good ol' policies and procedures to us, but we are on a military base; I've heard things are different, but this may be a bit more than I bargained for.  Don't worry, I'll keep you updated!

Emotional Overload

     So, if you read my last post, you'd think that being allergic to my husband was the hard part of him coming home; the sad part was that was just the beginning.  Over the next few weeks that followed, I took a ride on an emotional roller coaster with more ups, downs, and loop-d-loos than I care to admit.  I could cry at the drop of a hat over absolutely nothing.  I was so confused, "Why was I such an emotional wreck?"  I knew I was happy to have my husband home but my emotions weren't lining up that.  To give you an idea of just how emotional I was, listen to this.  My husband and I went home to my parents house for the weekend and while there we were visiting in the living room with some family and friends.  Jeremiah simply told them that I had been a little emotional.  He jokingly said, "I could probably just look at her right now and she'd start crying."  Before he could even look at me, I was already beginning to cry.  Ugh!  I was so disgusted and frustrated with myself.  What was wrong with me?
     Eventually the crying stopped and somewhere along the way, life seemed to get back to normal.  It wasn't until about a year later during Jeremiah's second deployment that I really took some time for myself to get to the bottom of things.  At that point in time, I was working on my Master's degree in school counseling and while learning how to "help" others, I did a lot of "work" on myself first.
     Every deployment to a war zone carries it's own stressors, but there is something unique about a first deployment and all the unknowns that be simply overwhelming and even terrifying at times.  You see, I am a planner, an organizer; I like to know what's happening and when.  When it's not possible to know what is happening, I like to think of all the "What ifs?" so I can be prepared for different situations.  Of course one of those "What if's?" I contemplated was, "What if something happens to Jeremiah?  What if he isn't one of the lucky ones?  What if he doesn't come home?"
     Throughout my thoughts and fears of something happening to my husband, I also had this overhwhelming sense of peace and joy that everything was going to be okay, not that my husband was going to be okay, but that no matter what happened to him, I would find joy in the trials God would allow me to go through, knowing that each of those trials would be one of the ways He would complete His work in me so that I may one day be, "complete and mature, lacking absolutely nothing," as His Word promises in James 1:1-4.   But as you know, when he got home, I was lacking that joy, and it was driving me crazy.  I finally came to the realization while in graduate school that I was planning on my husband dying overseas; I didn't want him to die, but I just thought that's what was going to happen, that that's what God's plan was.  So, when he came home alive, I didn't really know how to react.  If he would have died, I thought I knew how I would react.  Sure I would have been an absolute wreck to begin with, but then I had this idea I would be strong and even joyful in the depths of that dark time- that God would use me to encourage and minister to others.  But then, he came home.  If God's plan wasn't for him to die, what was His plan for me?  Needless to say I was disgusted with myself; how could I be such a terrible person that I would even think such things?  I battled feelings of guilt and worthiness for a while but soon just realized I can plan and think about all the "What if's," but regardless of what they are, God will take care of me in the present, right here in the here and now.  Now, of course, I am more than happy my husband has survived two deployments.  We have an incredible little boy  and love every moment of being a family.  I've learned that tomorrow really does have enough worries of it's own, so for today, I am only going to worry about today.          

A Defining Moment from the Trenches

     There are many times during a deployment that I just get overwhelmed.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed with fear and loneliness, and at other times I am overwhelmed with people's generous outpouring of support.  However, during this last deployment, I had one of those moments you know will remain with you forever.  I was at church and in the middle of worship just felt myself become overcome by fear and worry.  I just kept asking God how I could ever survive if something happened to Jeremiah.  I stopped singing and just sat down and prayed.  Right there on the spot, the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, "I will provide for you.  I will provide for you financially. I will provide for you spiritually.  I will provide for you emotionally.  Even in death, I will supply all your needs."
     I have to admit, while I should have been comforted by this, my immediate thought was that something was going to happen to him.  Then I realized the important part of God's message to me that Sunday morning- my God was going to take care of me regardless of my circumstances.  I know He loves me and promises, not just in his Word but even through His Holy Spirit on a Sunday morning, He will take complete care of me.  I was overwhelmed with God's grace and humbled by his love.  For He never promised me an easy life void of  trials, but I am assured that his grace will always be sufficient.    

A Not So Perfect Homecoming

     Nearly 5 years ago, after my husbands first deployment, I was waiting with anticipation at the parade field at Fort Hood, Texas for my husband to arrive home.  There were several hundred family members waiting together in the bleachers.  On the opposite side of the parade field, a few hundred yards away, we finally saw the buses pull up, but all we could see were the feet of the soldiers filing off and falling into formation.  I jokingly said to another wife, "Bus driver, move that bus!"  Others overheard me and immediately everyone began shouting "Move that bus!  Move that bus!"  As the buses pulled away and our soldiers appeared off in the distance, the emotion and excitement in the stadium became overwhelming with cheerful tears and shouts of a job well done because we knew they had finally made it home.
     Over the next few days, they had to be debriefed before they could be released to go back home.  On the last morning we were in our hotel, I woke up and thought, "Man, my arm really itches."  I looked down and quickly discovered that it wasn't just my arm; my entire body was covered in hives.  We went to the pharmacy and loaded up on Benadryll for a 12 hour trip home to Springfield, MO.  By the time we reached northern Arkansas, I looked like a burn victim because the hives had spread to cover every inch of my body and were extremely swollen.  In addition to itching like crazy, I was also beginning to lose my voice.  In hindsight, we probobly should have found an emergency room at that point, but I just wanted to be home.
     We made it home that night, but when I woke up the next morning my hives were still terrible and Jeremiah was insistent that we go to the hospital.  Feeling gross from traveling all day the day before, I said, "Just let me take a shower, and then we can go."  Needless to say, that was a bad idea.  I got lightheaded in the shower and as I was yelling for Jeremiah to come help, I passed out right as he caught me.  He drug me to our bed and tried to get me to come to.  When I finally regained consciousness, all I could think was I had to go to the bathroom.  I was trying to tell Jeremiah what I was needing but he simply replied with, "Um, I think it's too late."  As you can probably imagine, that wasn't exactly how I imagined what it would be like for the first 24 hours my husband was home from Iraq.  From there, Jeremiah tried to get me back into the bathroom while yelling at   Logan, my younger brother who was living with us at the time, to come downstairs and help.  Jeremiah tried to cover me up with a towel so Logan wouldn't have to see his older sister naked, but in the meantime, I passed out again, losing and regaining consciousness a number times.  I remember feeling terrible and wondering what was going on.
     We went to the emergency room, but they didn't find anything wrong.  We tried to narrow down what I might have had an allergic reaction to, but we couldn't come up with anything.  Over the course of the next few days, we discovered that anytime I came in direct contact with my husbands skin, I would break out in hives all over again; so, for the next two weeks, we both spent all of our time at home in long sleeves, pants, and socks.  Finally, the hives were gone and we could work at life getting back to normal.
     I know that anytime anytime there is a big change in one's life, that it's good to prepare for those changes.  I knew there might have been some adjustments to make after a deployment to a war zone and there were- I just never expected to be allergic to my husband.    

Getting to Know this Mom in the Trenches

Being a mom is one of the hardest and most important jobs in the world, but for several women out there, including myself, being a military wife is equally as trying.  So, when you are both a mom and a military wife, you know what it's like to be right there in the trenches of life.  Some days are calm but others days you feel you're being fired at and attacked from all directions, wishing you could just yell, "Retreat!" and fall back to a safe zone.    This blog is about my life and the trials and triumphs I experience while being a "Mom in the Trenches."
     I am a twenty-seven year old married to Jeremiah, the man of my dreams.  I grew up in small midwest town, El Dorado Springs, MO, which my husband lovingly calls, "Mayberry."  I had a wonderful childhood filled with fun memories and tons of family traditions.  My family has always been close and over the years as us kids have gotten older, we've grown even closer.  My husband was in the Army Reserves for four years before he switched over to active duty but during that time, he completed two deployments to Iraq as a Combat Engineer.  Now, I stay at home with our son, Emerson, while my husband works as an EOD (Emprovised Explosive Device) soldier in the United States Army.  His job is basically to diffuse IEDs and anything else that might potentially go "Boom" downrange.  Needless to say, his job can be a bit on the stressful side.
He completed his EOD training at Eglin Air Force Base in Florida this past year, and we are now stationed at Fort Stewart, Georgia.
     We were expecting my husband to deploy for the third time in the next few months, but we recently received word his unit's deployment has been pushed back.  This was great news, or at least I thought it was.  A week after hearing there deployment is being pushed back we found out we are expecting our second baby!  My first thought was that he will be home for the birth but then I realized, he will be leaving when the baby is nearly a month old and miss his/her entire first year.
       As a military wife, there is constantly that wonder in the back of your mind, how long will you have your soldier; will these next few months be the last?  As we are out at the beach or exploring the town, I wonder with every click of the camera and every moment that's captured as the shutter lens closes, "Will this be a picture that I look back at in a year and say, 'Man, I wish he was still here.'"  Aware, that the road of wonder and worry can be a dangerous road to go down, I quickly remind myself that life is uncertain no matter who you are or what you do, and that God's grace will always be sufficient regardless of my circumstances.  So for now, I am living life to it's fullest, not taking for granted time with my husband or my son, fully recognizing that none of us has a promise of tomorrow, for tomorrow is another day, another battle, to be fought from the trenches on the homefront.