Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Week in a Nutshell

     I read back over the past couple weeks of my journal entries and let me just tell you, there are enough emotions in there to keep a counselor busy for weeks!  I would love to share them on here but think it's probably not the wisest thing to do just yet.  Here's a little bit of what it was like.
     I had started writing before Christmas, because I was just really bummed that Jeremiah wasn't going to be home. The reality of the length of his deployment was setting in.  He was supposed to leave in April of 2013 and be gone for 4 months, that didn't happen.  His deployment got pushed back and they didn't leave until May.  Then, the 4 months changed to a 12-14 month deployment, and we were only at the 7th month mark.   I love Christmas, the sights, the smells, the reason for the season, just the overall spirit of Christmas, but this Christmas was tougher than years past.  It was hard knowing Jeremiah wasn't going to be there to watch the wonderment of our two little boys on Christmas morning.  In the evenings, I wanted to be able to put the boys to bed and just snuggle up on the couch in front of the tree with him, but I knew it wasn't even a possibility.  Maybe the most unexpected thoughts I had were those of guilt.  It was such a strange feeling to know as I was rushing around from store to store getting the last things ready for the holidays, he was overseas fighting for his life and my freedom.  It almost didn't even feel right to be happy, but i pushed through it.  
    Next, came Christmas morning, which i'm pretty sure has always been magical since the very first one with the angels, shepards, and that sweet baby Jesus.  It was still dark outside and the boys woke up and wandered into the living room to find two guitars under the tree!  They immediately put on a show!  I loved it!  Then, as I'm sure we woke up the rest of the house, the rest of our family began to gather around as we opened our stockings.  Jeremiah joined us through Skype which was awesome.  I was so glad he was at least going to kind of get to take part in all the excitement.  He then proceeded to tell me he got a Christmas gift too.  I asked him what it was and he replied, "I'm coming home!"  
     "What!"  I said with question in my voice.  I was waiting for him to tell me that is what they had been told, that he wasn't sure if it was actually going to happen or not, but for now, that's what they have heard.  But that wasn't the case, he had actually found out a couple weeks ago, and they had already packed up and started heading out of country!  It was at that point the flood gates opened and tears of joy rapidly streamed down my face!  "You're actually going to make it out alive,"  I yelled.  There have been so many times this deployment that I didn't actually know if he was going to live through it.  He was blown up 3 times his last deployment, and once this deployment; just how many times can a person survive such near death experiences, not to mention the numerous firefights that seemed to happen on a weekly basis, at best.  
     So, here we are one week later, and he is still coming home.  No change of plans yet, but until he is on U.S. soil, I am going to try to not get my hopes up too high.  I am so relieved to know he will be safe at home, well at least not being shot at or blown up by IED's, but I am really having to not let myself get too down when I think about the months that lie ahead.  Emerson, our oldest knows his daddy is coming home.  Today he said, "Mommy, it is taking Daddy forever to get here."  I tried to reassure him.  I explained it is a very long trip and can sometimes take awhile, but in the back of my mind all I could think was how are we going to explain to this little boy that we can't live with daddy because we don't have enough money?  
     Money.  I hate how money controls so many things, but I am so very thankful that my God controls more.  He knows what our future holds.  He knows exactly what we need and when we need it.  He will provide all of our needs.  
     I don't like to ask for help, especially when it come to needing help financially, but I also know how good it feels to be able to be a blessing to others when I have been able to give.  If you would like to help us, you can help 3 ways.  First, is by simply praying for us.  I am a firm believer in power of prayer and know that God has the ability to do more than any dollar amount ever could.  Next, if you feel led, you can help by making a monetary donation at  Finally, you can be a huge help by simply sharing the link to this blog or to the GoFundMe website so we can reach  a bigger audience.  With your help, we will be able to have our family together, and these two sweet boys can have their daddy home!