Over the course of the past 9 months we have heard talks of my husband being deployed; however since we have moved here to Georgia, those plans have changed at least three different times. When you are married to the army you just learn to not believe anything until it is a sure thing- and even then it is not always sure. Last month we were expecting a deployment to Iraq in June or July but a couple of weeks ago, that too changed. Jeremiah came home from work and said, "Well, I'm not going to Iraq in June." I looked at him and immediately knew he was going somewhere else sooner, and that is exactly what he told me.
I have to be honest, I was not really surprised. Over the next few moments a million thoughts flooded my mind. First, I was sad when I thought about how he would miss the babies birth, but then when I thought about it more, i realized him being gone for the birth meant that he will be home before our son turns a year old. Of course the thought of something happening to him while he is overseas also came to mind, but I tried not to go there yet. The last thought I had came with a bit of excitement and anticipation, and that was the fact I knew a deployment meant I get to move home to Missouri with my family while he is deployed. Don't get me wrong, I would never want my husband to deploy so I could go home, but as an active duty family, you know deployments are inevitable and you learn to make the best of them.
So now for the hard part, over the next few weeks and months, I have to work at enjoying the time we have together and not fretting over the "What if's?" I'm trying really hard as we approach Christmas to not let myself think, "Will this be our last?" And all the while i'm trying not to think those thoughts, I also don't want to have any regrets should something happen to him so I am making sure we do things like videotaping him reading and playing with Emerson.
As I work to control my mind and keep the fear to a minimal level, I have to just trust in my God. I know He is faithful. I know He will hear my cries, and that he is the defender of the weak. In my moments of weakness, I know he will give me strength. It is my hope in Him, that I know I will be able to have joy during this trial because during this trial my faith will be tested, and I will persevere. I know He will comfort me and give me a peace that passes all understanding. My God loves me and no matter what happens, he will provide my EVERY need.
If there is one thing I have learned over the past two deployments, it is that when i randomly think of Jeremiah or his guys, whether it be as I am walking through the mall or waking up in the dead of night, I have learned to do more than just think- I have learned to stop and pray. On more than one account after one of these middle of the night moments, Jeremiah has called me the next day to tell me of an incident and how it was completely a "God thing" that they survived. With that being said, I have one favor to ask of you, when Jeremiah or I come to your mind over the next year, please don't just think about us- pray. I am a strong believer that prayer is powerful and while there is a real battle of flesh and blood out there, there is a spiritual battle taking place that is ever bit as real.
I know the next year will not be an easy one, but I look forward to sharing this journey with you.