Update on Mi Casa and My State of Mind

Phone call after phone call, email after email; that has been my life these past few weeks, and no, I don't work in an office. After two television news interviews, I have had a number of people asking about our house, and wondering if anything has ever happened with it. In short, no, not really. I've talked with a number of organizations, the insurance company, and the lawyers in the JAG office just to name a few. I have had some gracious individuals give monetary gifts and a few others have offered their assistance with the heating and plumbing repairs, but with the foundation still the major money issue, we have together decided it is wisest to not do anything until we have a solution for the foundation. Let's be realistic, it would be better if the house was just torn down- at least that's how I feel right now. I would feel terrible if they did all that work on the plumbing, heating, and drywall, and then, by some miracle, we were able to work something out with the bank, and they demolished it due to the foundation. I'm not going to lie, there have been a few mornings when I have woke up this week feeling knots in my stomach because of our house. It has taken a pure conscious effort to control my thoughts and be reminded that God is in control; He is faithful, and he will see me through this. Worse than fighting those thoughts, are my fears concerning Jeremiah. He has been really "busy" and in war, "busy" is never a good thing. I see him every few days on Skype which is great, but it plays with my mind when we go longer than usual without hearing from him. Multiple times a day, I wonder if today will be the day- Was that the last time I will see him? Will a car pull up in front of our house? Will some men in uniform walk up our steps and come knock on our door? Will today be the day my world is totally turned upside down? As quickly as those thoughts try to creep in, with a lump in my throat, I push them back and think of Philippians 4:8. I love the way The Message version puts it. Phillipians 4:8-9 (MSG) 8-9 Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies. It isn't always easy taming our wild minds, but I think God knew we needed specific instructions to not dwell on the negative. I don't know what tomorrow holds for my house or for my family, but for today, this is the day that He has made and I will choose to rejoice and be glad in it. Do you ever struggle with your thoughts? Do you have a good practice for overcoming the negative? I would love to hear them!

Drenched in Grace

As the days pass, it is getting harder and harder to tame the thoughts and fears of Jeremiah leaving. I drove past Range Road the other day in Niceville, Fl which is where the EOD Schoolhouse is located and out in front of the building is a large memorial wall for the fallen EOD soldiers. The last time I stood in front of that wall, I was filled with a different set of emotions than the ones I feel now. Then I was so proud of Jeremiah and all he had accomplished because making it through EOD school isn't an easy task, not to mention the strain it puts on the families too. Now, I am trusting that God will protect him and give him the wisdom he needs to keep his name off that wall. I continued my drive back to the hotel reminded of God's grace and that I need to continue to put my hope in him.
Then, yesterday, I took the boys to the Air Force Armament Museum so Emerson could look at all the airplanes, missiles, and rockets, and while we were there I began to notice the walkways were lined with brick pavers dedicated to loved ones who were killed in battle. For some reason it just hit me different than it usually does when I read the names of the fallen. As I watched Emerson play without a care in the world, tears filled my eyes, knowing the weight of the bricks we stepped on. In that same heavy moment, I sensed God's overwhelming protective presence, like he just scooped me up in his arms. I can tell God is sharpening me, like a knife on a stone, He is gradually allowing me to experience these deep heavy emotions but at the same time, revealing himself to me.
As we left the museum, and traveled to our next destination, God once again poured out his grace on me. I don't even know how to describe it! He gave me this hope, this refreshing sense of eternity. He lifted me up, soaring like an eagle above our circumstances. It was a beautiful moment when I felt completely drenched in His grace! We don't know what tomorrow will hold. I am so grateful that regardless of what my time in this world has for me, my God has a beautiful eternity waiting for me. In the mean time, I look forward to more of these grace filled moments where God reveals His glory to me right here on Earth.
We serve an Awesome God! Has God revealed himself to you in your daily living? I would love to hear and share your stories!